I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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