I am spending my child support on dildos
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
