Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
