Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
