omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
