my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dignity is for republicans.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
