They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
