got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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