I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
