You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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