I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
