Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
