you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
