And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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