note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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