i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think I won the penis lottery.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
