I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
