I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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