What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
