so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
