Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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