Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
