dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
