Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
