Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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