what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
whose ass print is on the piano?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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