if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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