when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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