So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
