He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
