I am in a vortex of obligation.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Ketchup is God's man juice
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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