so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
