It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
