i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
