you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
