We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
