sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
