why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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