I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
