What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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