so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
