Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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