i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
