READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
