I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
