I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
