i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
