dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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