My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
