That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
