i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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