FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
