Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
