Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
