I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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