That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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