i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
