Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I faked an abortion last night.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
