hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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